Capitalist Punishment

I'm here with the president of a store which has been accused of attacking its workers with unnecessary job cuts. Sir, did you lay off workers to hurt them? Of course not. It's just that it's better for us if we try to replace as many of them as possible with robots. And what do you say to those who call the unemployment a failure of capitalism? Capitalism is the best system we have. It gives people a choice of where they can work, which fast food outlet or movie theater. And if they work hard, their lives will get easier. Instead of a mop, they get a Swiffer. Instead of a pickax, they get a jackhammer. (Exit Guest One. Enter Guest Two.) And now for the consumer's side of this issue. And sir, I understand that even though you this store laid you off, you still shop there. That's right. Why? Low prices. It's the only store an unemployed person can afford to shop in. What does it make you think of capitalism? It makes me think we should abolish it. Abolish it! (Two heavyweights appear and lift the guest off the floor by his shoulders to carry him off.) Let's not get carried away. After all, I stand to make a decent profit from this production. (Enter a new guest.) And there are still success stories, like this gentleman. He is prospering because he has a skill that is in demand. He knows how to build robots. He thinks that the economy can still be saved. Please tell us how. Each of us must adapt to the new climate. And settle for a menial job? The important thing is to be the best at what you do. If you wash dishes, wash them thoroughly. And pick the gunk out of the drain as you rinse the sink. Find bold new ways to wash dishes, ways that eliminate the jobs of your co-workers, making your employer more dependent on you. You don't need a union when you're the last worker he's got. Interesting. But what about the laid off co-workers? They must volunteer. By proving that they will work for no money, they can restore faith in our economy. And there you have it. You can't let a little thing like being penniless stand in your way. Starvation is just a cop-out. All it takes is a positive attitude to turn failure into success.
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© 2007, 2012. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.