The Racoon

(An old man's farm.) Old Man: Now listen up, you dried up, withered old semi-embalmed walking corpse! I'll be home by sundown. Old Woman: I hear's ya, you decomposing, malodorous old toothless wonder! (The old man goes out to hunt the racoon with his dog, Red.) Old Man: Now don't let that coon outsmart you, Red! Look out! He's a-headed for the quicksand! Stay right there, Red! I'll save you! (The next morning, back at the farm.) Old Man: I been standing here for forty-five minutes trying to get an answer out of one of you, but all you want to do is stand around this casket a-crying! Why won't none of you tell me who died? Me and Red's gonna stay on your tail until we gets an answer. (The guests pack up the casket and head into town.) Stay with him, Red! Don't lose him! Red? Where the Hell are we? What's this fence doin' here? Who are you? Man: I'm the fence keeper. Old Man: How did I get talking to you? Man: You must be dead. Old Man: Dead! That's impossible. Man: When did the confusion start? Old Man: Well, I was goin' into the quicksand to rescue my dog when everything kinda went dark. And then - uh... Well now, if that don't beat all. Red! That coon done outsmarted us outta our lives!
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© 2007, 2012. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.