Soul Auction

Baker: Hi there! I'm Brad Baker. Welcome to Soul Auction, where we see how far people are willing to go for money. Our first contestant is an activist from Greenland, Pennsylvania, Randy Rhinestein. Randy, that was a very moving documentary that you did about the dolphins. Rhinestein: Thank you. Baker: Now, behind that curtain is a baby seal in a cage. For a hundred and fifty thousand dollars, I want you to take this club and… Baker: Up next is an FBI agent, Earl Masters. Mister Masters, I understand that you are proud of your clean record. Masters: As a cop, I think it's my responsibility to obey the law. Baker: (Lighting up a joint and puffing on it) Mmm. Good stuff. Masters: What's that? Contraband? It's against the law to smoke that. Baker: Oh, I'm not going to smoke it, Agent Masters. You are. Masters: No thanks. You're not turning me into a communist. Baker: Not even for a quarter of a million dollars? Masters: Would I have to inhale? Baker: Yes, deeply. And you'd have to hold it in your lungs as long as you can. Here. Let me show you. Baker: We're back, and the last contestant on 'the auction' tonight is a single mother with four children, Miss Shirley Parker. Tell us about your family, Shirl. Parker: Well, let me see. At five, Craig is my youngest. He plays the drums. Tina is six and plays the triangle. Shane is ten and plays the bass- Baker: Thank you. We get the picture. Miss Parker, you don't need all those children, do you? Parker: I wouldn't give up any of my children. Baker: Oh no? Not even for … a million dollars? Parker: Shane. (The boy is plucked from his seat and hauled away.) Please take care of him. Baker: Don't worry. He'll be receiving the best medical attention.
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© 2007, 2012. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.