War Story: Richard Hathaway, Army Diplomat

(A front line office. Bombs can be heard exploding in the distance.) Commanding Officer: Hathaway! (Enter Hathaway in dress uniform with a bowler and umbrella. He stands at attention.) Hathaway: Sir! C.O.: I thought you told them that we set up this camp with peaceful intentions. Hathaway: I did, sir. C.O.: Then why are they shelling us? Hathaway: I guess they didn't believe me, sir. C.O.: Then get the hell out there and convince them before we're all blown to Kingdom Come! Hathaway: Yes, Sir! (They salute. Exit Hathaway.) (Outside as shells explode around him, Hathaway asks a private with his face buried in the mud what direction the fire is coming from and then heads off in that direction.) Hathaway: (ducking bullets and sidestepping shells) Yoo-hoo! I say, you out there. Can you hear me? (BOOM!) What's all this about then? (BOOM!) There's really no need for all this violence. We are here on a peaceful mission. (BOOM!) Now listen up, if you do not cease fire immediately, I shall be forced to take retaliatory measures. (KA-BOOM!) Now you've done it! You've muddied my bowler! (He opens his suitcase, pulls out a piece of paper and tears it in half.) See that? That was your dinner invitation! (BOOM!) I'm warning you...
Comedy Sketches Cartoons Arguments Copyright Issues Lyrics Poems
More Scripts Statements Songs
© 2007, 2012. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.